“…I was not deceived about myself. I knew that I should never be a scholar. I could never lose myself for long among impersonal things…While I was in the very act of yearning toward the new forms that [my professor] had brought up before me, my mind plunged away from me, and I suddenly found myself thinking of the places and people of my own infinitesimal past.”
I read this passage today as I finished My Antonia for book club on Thursday, and I saw myself in it. While I love learning, and I feel very fortunate to be in grad school, I just don’t know if “scholar” is the right word for me (or if it ever really will be). I see classmates of mine who are deeply engaged in their work even outside the classroom, and while I get everything done that I need to (and usually enjoy at least part of the process), I am not constantly studying. But I think that’s okay, and that’s about all I have to say about that.